Party Tips for a Shy Child

Hosting a party for a shy child can be a unique challenge. Crowds of people, multiple forms of stimulation, and being the center of attention can cause a shy child to feel out of their comfort zone. Here are some tips that may help create a fun and comfortable experience for your child.

Tip #1: Create a Safe Space

To help reduce anxiety or stress your child may experience, it is a good practice to create a space for them to go whenever they feel overwhelmed. This could be as simple as an empty chair next to you or as complex as a pop-up play tent. Whatever your child might find soothing.

The point is to have a space that they know is safe, where they can get away from the crowd or stimulation for a few minutes. Oftentimes, just knowing there is someplace they can go when overwhelmed will actively reduce any anxiety or stress and can promote their desire to join in the party.

Tip #2: Explain the Unknown

A party can be a source of anxiety for shy children when they don’t know what is going to happen. They can find themselves worrying about what experiences they will have to face during the party. To remove the anxiety of trying to predict and navigate any surprises, it can be helpful to sit down with your child and explain to them what they can expect to experience at the party. You don’t have to go into deep detail, but you might share who is going to be attending, what type of entertainment there will be, and what kind of food will be served (this can be a deal-maker if they’re expecting some tasty treats).

In addition, you can go a step further by shining a light on the unknown by letting your child know when something unfamiliar might be about to happen. For example, if you hired an entertainer for your party, let your child know who the person is and what they’re going to be doing before they walk in the door. If you had let them know the person is coming beforehand, this is a good moment to remind them. A bonus tip would be to let your child know that they don’t have to participate in the entertainment if they don’t want to. This may give them the confidence to approach on their own, rather than feeling forced.

Tip #3: Create a Secret Signal

You may want to create a special signal that only you and your child know. This signal means that your child is feeling overwhelmed and needs a quick out, one that you can provide them. Similar to having a safe space, this creates a sense of safety that your child can be safe no matter what situation they are in. The signal can be a physical gesture like scratching their ear or a word or phrase. By knowing they are safe, even when in the middle of an activity or engagement, they may feel more inclined to participate.

Tip #4: Introduce Them to the Party Slowly

One of the scariest things for a shy child can be being thrown into the deep end of a party and/or made the center of attention. Instead, introduce them to the party slowly. Your guests can go about enjoying the party as they arrive. There is no need for ceremony. While everyone is having fun, your child can observe from their safe spot and see that everything is ok and that they can have fun too.

You may also try staggering your party by inviting your child’s closest friends to arrive 30 minutes before the rest of the guests. This may allow your child to feel more comfortable with familiar guests in smaller amounts, which can ease them into the full party.

If your child doesn’t seem to be moving from their safe spot, feel free to ask them if they’d like to do one of the festivities or get a tasty treat. They may say no, and that is ok. Give them time to warm up to the party. Forcing them will likely result in digging in further. After a little bit, you might bring over a tasty treat for them to enjoy so they’ll feel more at ease.

Tip #5: Let Your Entertainer Know

A great way to avoid any undue stress for your child is to let the entertainers you have hired know that your child is shy beforehand. This can help the entertainer to know how to approach your child in a safe and fun way while avoiding pitfalls like calling on them first. They often have worked with many shy children in the past and can help create a wonderful experience for them.

Tip #6: Give Them a Job (Optional)

Sometimes a shy child still wants to be a part of the party without being the center of attention. You may try asking them if they’d like to help with the party. By giving them a sense of purpose, they may feel more inclined to be a part of the party. They do have the option to say no, which is ok.

Some examples can include:

• Official snack taster
• Party favor deliverer
• Decorations inspector / decorator
• Game prize awarder
• Photographer / photo assistant